For the last few weeks, or even the last two and a half months I suppose, I have been living in a blackhole of pessimism. Maybe it`s a Southern Chilean thing. Bad weather. Awful natural disasters. Huge identity complexes because they`re neither Santiago nor Patagonia. Maybe it`s a Mapuche thing. A long history of being forced from their land and a current struggle to maintain their traditions or retain a homeland. Or maybe it´s a campesino thing. Always working. Always depending on forces beyond their control, from climate to international demand. Always fighting against big industries in a battle that they don`t have time to fight. Always struggling to defend the value and worth of a way of life they treasure. It makes sense. I guess if I fit into any of these categories, I´d be a little stiff too. But I don`t want to create general stereotypes. After all, I know some lovely southern Chileans who bask in the opportunity to live in such a beautiful place. I´ve met some very smiley, free-spirited Mapuche who are proud of their tradition and are content with their lives. And I continue to come into contact with farmers who love their job and would rather die than change their course. So whatever the cause, one thing is for sure...Irma is by far one of the most openly unapologetic pessimistic people I have ever met in my whole life. And living with that is exhausting.
She´s not a bad person, by any stretch of the imagination. She is very generous and refuses to let anyone in her house go hungry. She has an incredible work ethic and a deep passion for life in el campo. She is spunky and lively and sharp, and remember, she is 70. But, she´s a Debbie Downer. A Johnny Raincloud. A Sad Sally. Pick a topic. Any topic.
Cities? They are crowded and dirty and disease infested. They are filled with people. And not just any people--the worst type--city people. Lazy. Traitors to el campo. Sinful. Worthless. Weak. Parasites. ¨Ay, Amanda, ¿còmo alguien puede vivir asì? ¡Ave Marìa!¨
Youth? The worst! There is no hope for our future! Glued to TVs and cell phones. They wouldn`t know good food if you plopped it in front of them. Lazy. Sex fiend. Faithless. Univerity graduate with no work ethic. Disconnected from nature and family. ¨Ay, y mis nietos son asì. Lo peor. ¿Qué vamos a hacer con los jovenes, hoy?¨
Natural Disasters? There`s nothing we can do. The earth is angry and we are powerless. If you don`t prepare yourself, you`re ignorant and naive for thinking you are invincible (as she often states about the people in Concepcion last year who received a warning from the US that a tsunami was going to follow the earthquake but they did not listen). If you do prepare yourself, you`re ignorant and naive for thinking you can outsmart nature (as she often stated about the people along the coast of Chile who fled their towns after Japan`s earthquake in fear of a tsunami). You can`t win. Whatever you do, you`re powerless.
Argentina? Fat and lazy people who spend all day drinking mate and sleeping through their siestas. A flat and brown country without any green, any fruit,or any rain (she`s never been there, mind you). ¨Ay, la gente allì son todo mal. No hace nada. Es asì, Amanda.¨ (That comment was in response to a statement I made regarding the prevalence of apricots in Northern Argentina.)
Other countries? Ugly landscapes. Unhappy and unhealthy people. No vegetables. No gardens. No farms. And don`t even get her started on the Germans.
The future? Hopeless. You better have faith in God, because nothing else will save you. We`re doomed. We`re all doomed. The farmer will carry everyone on his back, like the slave he is. ¨Ay las cosas que pasan en el mundo, Amanda.¡Què horible!¨¨
Work? Cuesta mucho. Un sacrificio mas grande.
Any day in general? ¡Què mal! ¡Eso no me gusta por nada! ¡Ay, otra dia Amanda!
Alright. Now that I write these things down, it doesn`t seem so bad. They just seem like semi-neurotic statements from an old woman who has lived a long, hard life. Fair enough. But let`s put this into context, shall we? I just came from a farm in Mendoza where all I heard every day was how the planet is heading for destruction, how the United States is an evil place, how everyone in first world countries is personally responsable for our global downfall, how there is no point to try to fight the system or save other people, and how the only thing you can do is find a plot of land and grow your own food because when shit hits the fan--which it inevitably will--you may be lucky enough to surive. Wonderful. And now I am here, in this beautiful place surrounded by wonderful animals, a hearty garden, and easilly accesable community support, and I wake up every day to hear how evil everyone is and how this work takes everythingand gives nothing. Joyful.
So how long before this excessive negativity kills the spark within me? Can I keep seeing the beauty of what`s around me? Can I keep fighting and dreaming of a brighter future? And if I manage to remain strong and optimistic until May, will my spark stay lit in the States? Because based on many of the Americans I am meeting and many of the Americans I already know, I fear that I am bound to continue trying to spread hope to a group of hopeless individuals. They´re not hopeless in the pessimistic,negative way of the campesino. They´re hopeless in the priveleged, self-righteous way of a people who live in a sheltered bubble. There`s no need for hope when everything is perfect. And everything is perfect for those who choose not to see theproblems in the world, who choose not to realizehow their life decisions impact those conditions, who choose to continue to consume rather than produce and share. What will I tell these people when they´re too busy watching reality shows, when they´re too concerned with getting the latest gizmo and most recent hummer, when all they can say about my experience is how ¨cute¨ it is that I´m ¨helping out those farmers down there.¨ How do I explain to them that the world needs to change, that the world can change, and that the world will change when they see no need for such a transition?
But despite every negative word I hear and with every fearful thought about my return, there have been so many moments that have rejuvenated me, that have given me hope for my world, hope for our future, hope for my country, and hope for my ability to make an impact. It`s the site of communities coming together to celebrate. It`s an email from a friend telling me how inspired he is by the students he teaches. It`s a small conversation with a little girl who wants to grow up to be a teacher and a good mom. It`s the random encounter with an older American woman who believes in the value of traveling, of enjoying life, of appreciating differences, and of staying current. It`s the latenight conversation with two New Yorkers who spoke lovingly and admirably about living in a community that values farmers, small business, the elderly, and community development. It`s the somewhat overwhelming visit by 58 American exchange students who, like so many students at BU, have so many plans for the future and ideas for change. It`s the thoughts of the people I have worked with in non-profits around the States, of the IHP alumni who are now working all over the world, of the people at BU´s CSS and ORL, of the parents and teachers and volunteers and leaders and busins owners in communities around the States. These people are not hopeless. They breath hope. They live hope. They spread hope. And I`m with them.
So what`s the key? What makes these people of hope different than the pessimistic Irmas and Margots of the world or the blinded priveleged Americans in the States? They know something. They know that work along does not bring fulfillment. If someone works hard for the morality of hard work, they´ll grow exhausted and bitter.If someone works hard to accumulate more, they´ll die restless and jealous. They know that endless wandering won`t bring themjoy. If they`re always moving so fast, they`ll miss the details. If they`re never connected to any place or thing or person, they`ll lose their sense of humanity. Work and adventure, when accompanied with a hope for something better, brings you joy. So work for a better world and share that faith in humanity. Lead a life of adventure but make know that you`re leading towards a happy ending. Keep reminding yourself that the world is beautiful and try your best to inspire otherswith optimism. That`s what I`ll be doing, because I won`t let a few negative campesinos and a lot of blind compatriots destroy a spirit that can change the world.
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