Traveling by yourself for extensive periods means that you will inevitably spend a lot of time alone in public. Yes, a traveler meets people and forms relationships of various degrees. But essentially, they spend a lot of time in their own head. For many people, this intense personal relationship may result in their own self-destruction; however, it can also provide an advantageous opportunity for personal growth and self-reflection. For me, one of the effects of this ¨me time¨ has been a newly formulated concept of identity.
Identity--even for the most secure individual--is difficult to define. Every person is complicated. They contradict themselves, and their personalities and their priotitees shift as circumstances change. Who you are at work is not who you are at home. Who you are with your partner is not who you are with your parents. I am one being, but I contain multitudes. By no means is this a new theory. Identity is contextual. On a more controversial note--and to the dismay of the most independent and power-hungry of people--I would also argue that a person´s identity is not entirely his own to decide. While you can actively and passively create and display a persona, who you are depends largely upon how others view you. We all know this subconsciouslly. That´s why consumerism and vanity run rampant in cities, and why public actions and outward displays of one´s inward personality form the base of our personal character. To some degree, the opinions of others matter.
So if my identity, then, depends so much upon outward sources--both circumstantial context and the thoughts of outsiders--then what makes my identity mine? Don´t worry, you are not entirely unresponsable. You can still play the leading role in the development and display of your own identity if you are critical enough to understand your surroundings and self-aware enough to know how your presense is projected and received. Traveling can be a great, albeit exhausting, opportunity to strengthen your understanding and yourcontrol of your personal identity. Because the context and the audience is constantly changing, the traveler has the rare chance to test the range of his personality and to formulate a constant, core concept of self.
I´ll use myself as an example (afterall, it´s my blog and my ego). Right now, at this moment in my life, I am defined by two major identities: one personal and the other collective. At the base, I am a young, single woman. I am both curious and content--a seemingly paradoxical combination that keeps me always in motion yet happy to be standing still. I am both grateful and gracious for every day and for every experience, and I grow frustrated by those who cannot see the wonder that surrounds them. I believe you have the power to choose your attitude if you are able to be fully present here and now. I work hard, and I am proud of what my body and mind are capable of achieving. I love the way mountains make me feel like I am part of something larger, but I am having trouble reconciling the fact that my place as a young professional may be in an inner city. I don´t like sharing my space or my feelings, and I am continuously struggling to maintain this blog (although you would never know by how verbose I can be). I like people, but prefer them in small quantities or at a distance. I am a daughter, and I am a best friend. I am selfish, and I am generous. I am kind, and I can be hurtful. I am a person of extreme action, and I am a person of moderate personality. I contain contradictions, and I am an enigma.
While this is the persona I most identify with on the inside, it is not the most prominent identity for a traveler. To the majority of people I meet, I am first and foremost an American. ¿De dónde viene? Where are you from? It´s the first question people ask you, and in many cases it may be the only detail they remember. For me, I have taken this opportunity to embrace my nationality and accept it as one of the many elements that defines me. As an American, I am someone who loves my country and wants nothing more than to gain enough international experience so I can return to the United States and utilize what I have learned. I believe in the generosity and work-ethic of the American people, but I would like to see a shift in how we interact with our government and with each other. Individualism makes strong people, but weak communities. I am terrified by consumerism and technology dependence because I believe it destroys our ability to connect with each other on a deep personal level. I am mortified by the historical and current role we play abroad, and wish we could start focusing our time, money, and efforts inward. If we as a country could realize that we are neither perfect nor all-powerful, we could lower our guard and our ego just enough to learn from other countries and to make real improvements to our own nation. I believe in our president, and am deeply saddened by the constant uphill battle he must fight against those diametrically opposed to anything he does. That being said, I believe that nothing positive and lasting will ever happen unless people (myself included) stop being so disenchanted by government and start interacting with this faceless body on the community level. I am a citizen, and I am a tax-payer. I have hope and faith, and I have ideas and theories. I am a passive observer, and an active contributer. I am proud, and I am ashamed. I fit the stereotype, yet I break the mold. I am an American.
While these two personas are different, they are not mutually exclusive, and the most difficult task I have is learning how to portray them both. I have a responsability to myself to display the persona I most relate to--that quirky, wide-eyed individual. Yet I also have a responsability to my country to put a friendly face to a large overbearing distant country, to rectify those strong devisive negative stereotypes, and to share with people what I love about my home. The question is, is it possible to accurately display both identities without one overpowering the other? I think so. But to do this, and to do this well, I have to once again be critical of my surroundings and self aware of my personality. I have to realize that I am always on stage. Every action I take is available for judgement. Every interaction I have can alter the perception of another individual. This is a lot of pressure, but such is the self-inflicted life of a conscious traveler. Besides, it couldn´t hurt to reflect a little about who I am, about what my relationship is to the world, and about what image I wish to portray. For me, I often have trouble being self-aware without being too self-conscious. Americans have the international reputation of being loud, self-interested, and dominating. We talk too much about ourselves, and only listen for keywords in conversations as we wait to interject our own personal story that--true or ficticious--will one-up whatever the other person just stated. This is our reputation, and it doesn´t take a rocket scientist to realize that this stereotype is firmly based in reality. Whether abroad or in the states, many conversations often have this overbearing, competitive tone. I have noticed it for years, which is why in many cases I often resort to silence. But silence is not always the best option, especially when the other individuals (traveler, Argentinian, or fellow American alike) are just as curious about my experiences and opinions as I am of theirs. As an individual and as an American, I have been blessed with life-changing experiences, with a strong educational background, and with opinions that have weight and spark interest. Rather than silently stand by in fear of fitting a stereotype, I ought to participate in the cultural exchange and mutual learning. In order to do so, I must understand my identity as an individual and as an American. Only then can I can find the balence between being self-aware and self-conscious.Only then can I slowly begin to formulate an identity that is both lasting and changing, that is both contextual and constant, that is displayed and perceived in similar ways.
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